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Joke of the Day

"Spez tells us that we should take our time to vote today, because it ""matters""... That's the fucking joke."

"What did little no armed Jimmy get for Christmas? Gloves! Haha I'm joking. He hasn't opened it yet."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No i-dear What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no i-dear"

"[bursts into garage] ""why is your car still on? you've been in here for 3 days"" i'm trying to kill myself ""but you drive an electric car"""

"I used to steal identities... You people are so boring I ended up returning them."

"Why is there no such thing as an epileptic exhibitionist? Because flashing gives them seizures."

"What's the difference between men and women? Women play hard to get. Men get hard to play."

"Where does a tugboat go when it feels sick? To the Dock"

"How do you change the number of sides in a pentagon? You intersect it with a plane."

"A woman's asshole is like a 9-volt battery. You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it."