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Joke of the Day

"What did Captain Cook say to his men before they got on the ship? Let's get on the ship, men!"

"I tried to change my password to 14days... The computer said it was two week."

"Unless: -The house is on fire -The cops are about to kick down the door -Or you're ordering food Do NOT talk to me while I'm on the toilet"

"When a guy texts ""your beautiful,"" reply with ""my beautiful what?"" then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again."

"How do you make holy water from just plain water? You boil the hell out of it."

"Are you in search of a P-Pun? Urine in luck!"

"Me: Hey, do you want to go buy some- Wife: YES!"

"My girlfriend keeps complaining that nothing in this sub is funny She'll NEVER see this line because she doesn't open them."

"How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe? He tried to blow up a police car."

"2 guys walk into a bar.. The third one ducked."