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Joke of the Day

"My phone auto corrected Donut into Donuts. I never felt more proud to be an American."

"What do you call it when your Arab parents disaprove of your girlfriend? Harambe"

"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"

"What would you do if someone is choking? Take a step back."

"""My computer asked me for an 8 character password."" For some reason it didn't accept snow white and the seven dwarves."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" ""Hi. Long time listener, first time caller."" ""That's really funny."" ""Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."""

"My sister said she had strange cravings and an enhanced sense of smell so she must be pregnant, but I secretly thought, ""werewolf."""

"What's a butcher's favorite city? Cleaveland"

"""Speak softly and carry a big stick."" -- Teddy Roosevelt ""Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick."" -- Donald Trump"

"A guy goes to the store to buy condoms, ""Do you want a bag?"" the cashier asks, ""No"" the guy says, ""she's not that ugly"""