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Joke of the Day

"Before taking viagra, ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex. Riiight."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off. Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips."

"A Halloween Limerick A lady vampire named Mable Had a period that was awfully stable. So once a full moon She took out her spoon And drank herself under the table."

"Do extremely fat people still call them laptops?"

"A little girl asks her mom, ""Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?"" Her mom replies, ""Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."""

"What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have? Lo mein."

"I found a stray cat. I looked at its collar and saw a phone number. I thought, ""No wonder your family disowned you, you fucking slut."""

"My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing."

"terrifying if it really happened: the kiss emoji with the heart coming out of the mouth"

"Some friends of mine had a baby. They didn't want to know what sex it was, instead they just preferred to wait, and see how much it earned."