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Joke of the Day

"Why are gay guys so good at moving? They are used to getting their shit packed"

"A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap. He was resisting a rest."

"Why did the one-fifth go to the masseuse? Because he was two-tenths"

"My wife has cancer and the doctor has prescribed heavy morphine doses for the pain and distress. It works, when I have taken them I can hardly hear her crying at all."

"I always take the high road, because the colors are more psychedelic and sometimes you see a unicorn."

"Emotions don't scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do."

"On a scale of 10 to 10, how good am I at giving you a choice?"

"I'm a lot like a midget orgy I've got a lot of short comings."

"You know what they say about Arlington National Cemetery... People are dying to get in there."

"How do you get a blonde on the roof? Say the drinks are on the house"