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Joke of the Day
"What have men and spray paint in common? One squeeze and they're all over you."
Next Joke
"I'm having trouble finishing my joke about tree surgery! Stick joke here!"
"I'm never tired. They call me Ironman"
"The Baltimore Ravens"
"new stereotype I just invented: everyone else but me is bad at navigating their cart at Costco"
"Which article of clothing is the most ghetto? A Hoodie."
"DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft"
"What do you call it when you turn into a vampire before being bitten? Premature Edraculation"
"[me, to my brother] I can't believe we've never been to Coachella [my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife"
"Being elected President wouldn't give me the level of self-satisfaction I have after a car speeds by me & I end up next to it at a red light"