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Joke of the Day

"Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It's not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color"

"Have you heard of the new movie ""constipation""? It hasn't came out yet"

"It makes more sense to dump Gatorade on the losing head coach."

"5 bucks will get you 1 minue access to the ""Peck cam"" where you can watch all sorts of wild birds peck me while i force myself not to resist"

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Without a penis."

"I have the Heart of a Lion.... And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo..."

"If guns don't kill people; people kill people... Then toasters don't toast toast, toast toasts toast."

"Chuck Norris uses pens on Scantron sheets."

"Can't wait till bin Laden slips up and checks-in on Foursquare."

"I just got fired, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable Apparently, nursing homes have ""strict rules"" around what you can do with the patients."