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Joke of the Day

"Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It's not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color"

"employee: over 100 ppl were killed by the dinosaurs again CEO: my God [10yrs later] CEO: what if we made a dinosaur theme park again lmao"

"How do you make your dick look bigger? Take a picture of it in a 5 year old's hand"

"""I don't have to outrun the bear! Just you!"" Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now."

"If an Apple today keeps the doctor away... If an Apple today keeps the doctor away then he must be using IOS6 maps."

"The powerball 1.3 billion dollars"

"Jews and pizzas What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."

"What do you call an emotionally unstable animal who lives in alaska and vacations in antarctica? A BIPOLAR BEAR"

"What did the unicyclist say to the bicyclist? I'm bi curious."

"What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine? When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after"