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Joke of the Day

"How did the Pharaoh feel after falling for a craigslist scam? Egypt"

"What's the difference between OP and Fed-Ex?"

"It's not Amy Schumer's fault that she steals... .. She probably picked it up from all the black guys she banged."

"Did you hear about the guy who escaped from a lunatic asylum, raped a bunch of old women in a laundrette then ran away? The newspaper headlines the next day read: #**NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**#"

"I asked a grocery store clerk to help me find the vodka Turns out he was my spirit guide."

"A guy walks into the psychiatrists office where I work wearing nothing but Saran Wrap undies... The psychiatrist said, ""I can clearly see you're nuts!"""

"This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM"

"Someone asked me if I could tell them what you would call people from the French island of Corsica. I said, Cors'I'can."

"*releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird"

"2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum tss EDIT: spelling"