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Joke of the Day

"Why do you put a baby into a blender feet-first? So you can see the look on its face. How do you get said baby out of the blender? Tortilla chips."

"The woman who first decided that tights are pants should get the Nobel Peace Prize."

"Why can't a Stormtrooper have a baby? Because they always miss."

"Wife: We're going to Jessie's BBQ today. Me: She's the one with the big--- Wife: They're fake! Me: So? -liveTweeting from the DogHouse"

"I had sex with an asian woman in an elevator... It was Wong on so many levels"

"A wig walks into a bar. A wig walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a pint. Bartender replies ""No way man!"" Wig ""Why not?"" Bartender ""Have you seen yourself? You're off your head!"" ;D"

"They say a woman knows after 7 seconds whether or not she wants to have sex... Good thing I only last 5."

"Tea makes everything great,even meth. Cos without T,meth is just meh."

"My son cuddled up to my bump and was talking about how he could see the baby and it would have been cute if I were pregnant."

"*navigation voice* BEAR TO THE RIGHT *gets eaten by bear*"