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Joke of the Day

"Why do tampons have strings attached? So you can floss after you eat. Alt ending: So the crabs can bungee jump."

"What kind of letters do feminists send? Hate male."

"I can totally relate to batteries I'm not included in anything either."

"[Romeo and Juliet as turtles] ROMEO: Death hath sucked the honey of thy breath JULIET: I'm just stuck on my back R: we're turtles, Juliet"

"Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy ""Did you have a good summer?"" He said ""No! I was working that day."""

"How many sycophants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? How many do you want?"

"There are a lot of dads out there trying to make up for lost time by ""liking"" their grown children's facebook updates."

"I will let you borrow any movie from my Pixar collection, except one. I'm never gonna give you Up."

"Imagine being in space and floating past all the planets. You could probably go kart on Saturn's rings."

"Why do they call boats ""she""? Because the wives had to get on board somehow."