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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a deep thinking pastry chef? A filosopher."

"I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone."

"Unraveling iPod earbuds in less than 10 minutes qualifies you to perform surgery in most 3rd world countries."

"Did you hear about Helen Keller's dating life? because I heard she wasn't seeing anyone"

"Remember the guy who played in the deer hunter, and pulp fiction? Christopher something or other... Anyway, I heard that he's opening a new hospital. They're calling it the Walken clinic."

"I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it."

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying...It seemed pretty important to him that I have it, I'll cherish it always. edit: grammar"

"Thinking of starting a website that auto-tweets when you j/o. ""I'm the mayor of MY GARAGE on JERKSQUARE."""

"Women know that men are like linoleum . . . If they lay 'em right the first time, they can walk on them for years."

"It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100."