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Joke of the Day

"I avoid being photographed at events held at my apartment complex. I don't need someone pointing to a picture and saying,""That's him."""

"I got this ""breathe"" tattoo because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder."

"Hobbies include: 1. Crying about the past 2. Procrastinating in the present 3. Worrying about the future"

"Silence is golden! Unless you have a toddler, then silence is very, very suspicious."

"I'm getting the band back together.... We're called New Direction."

"So I read the dictionary the other day. Turns out the zebra did it."

"You know, the world doesn't revolve around you! ...because it'd take too long if it did."

"What's the difference between a dwarf and an STD? Ones a cunning runt the other is a running cunt."

"I think it's a bad sign that when 9 tries to play charades, everyone's first guess is ""constipation."""

"Did you hear about the dispensary that was selling suppositories? It turns out they were just blowing smoke up everyone's ass."