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Joke of the Day

"Next time my cat has some friends over, I'm going to puke right next to where they are sitting and see how she likes it."

"A 450lb man just hit on me... I tried to let him down as gently as possible... But I'm no forklift."

"I've been getting way too deep into the Prague Surrealist movement lately. I think I need a Reality Czech."

"Why did Sally the Sloth sleep in all day? Because her crippling depression leaves her unable to function properly."

"WHAT DO WE WANT!? CLEARED TIMES ON OUR MICROWAVES! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? 0:00!"

"Two men walk into a bar, which is strange since you'd think the second one would have seen it when the first one hit it."

"That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say ""no, I'm just sleeping around""."

"What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital? A midwife crisis."

"Big explosion in a paint factory tonight, 10 people missing, presumed red."

"Why was the geometry teacher so dizzy? Cause he kept going in circles..."