102929

Joke of the Day

"*brain waking up* oh god please not again I can't keep existing in this reality *brain 20 minutes later* 1000000 chameleons is a chamillion"

"A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder. ""Wow,"" says the bartender. ""That is really something. Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa,"" says the parrot."

"How do you know statisticians are always serious? They mean what they say."

"My dream car is just Shaq dressed like a fireman carrying me everywhere like he just rescued me from a burning building"

"Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know."

"Me: I'll take one insurance Insurance salesman: It doesn't work like that Me: *shoving $12 in his breast pocket* your best one, please"

"I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been banged more than a snooze button on Monday morning."

"30 cows, 28 chicken. how many didn't? 10"

"What you shouldnt answer when a parent asks you what to do if their baby wont stop crying I dont know, just foogle it"

"Just straight up LIED to my dog's FACE (told him his breakfast looked ""delicious"")"