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Joke of the Day

"woah. you can say ""Houston we have a problem"" in messy situations that have nothing to do with astronauts or texas? this changes everthing"

"How do you know your wife is getting vat... ... you have to switch off the light during sex. Not because she's ugly but because the bulb burns your ass."

"Where do Pixar employees go for Happy Hour? CGI Friday's."

"The mass murderer has an inspirational poster on his wall. ""Can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter'"""

"Drive-thru worker just recoiled in horror when I rolled down my window & she got walloped by a bucket of moist farts."

"You know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra"

"Does Axe make a spray that smells like one of those soft pretzel stores at the mall? I'd use that daily."

"A friend of mine is so politically correct.... At the deli he is afraid to ask for "" white American "" cheese."

"Me: ""I'd like to withdraw 3 sausages and a packet of peanuts please."" Man: ""That isn't how a food bank works, sir."""

"""Balls!"" cried the queen. ""If I had two I'd be king!"" The king laughed. He had to."