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Joke of the Day

"How does the moon cut his hair? 'Eclipse it Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse..."

"What do you call unpredictable nudity? Erratica."

"My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died... she was attacked by a giant crab"

"I think horoscopes are absolute tosh. But you know me, typical Virgo."

"TIL that humanity's new form of communication is acronyms What does FTFY even mean? I swear to god people abuse acronyms so much."

"Did you hear about the gay dog? It was a Golden Receiver."

"[stuck on an island] message in bottle: if anyone gets this, please save us bottle returns: if this gets 10k RTs on Twitter we'll send help"

"""Dumb as a bag of hammers"" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once."

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"*puts on shirt* *shirt rips because of my muscles* *gets yelled at for ruining 5yo's shirt*"