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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you eat a girl out first thing in the morning? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"How many niggers does it take to win a war? All of them."

"I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep."

"His palms are sweaty... His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*"

"What did the cat say to the banana? Banana. .. What did the cow say to the banana? Banana. .. What did the goat say to the banana? Baaah- nothing. Goats can't talk."

"What do you call the science of knives? Cutting edge technology."

"Mother in law just said global warming with air quotes. It's going to be a long night."

"I'm sorry, I don't find you arousing. No hard feelings."

"The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth."