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Joke of the Day

"What do pancakes and kids have in common? The first one usually gets screwed up."

"I'm so proud of myself. I went to Costco hungry and only spent $17,000."

"How do you know a redneck invented the tooth brush? We would have called it a teeth brush"

"How does Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap."

"Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I am forever in your debt."

"What do you call a boring meme about some internet drama that you don't care about? Dramameme."

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff."

"Me: I just need some time alone, please. *closes door* - Ma'am, if you're not trying on clothes, we'll need you to leave the dressing room."

"Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant looks at the menu and says ""okay!"""

"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."