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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster"

"Came home from work early and caught my inflatable girlfriend cheating on me with the beachball."

"What do you call the first Afghan off the boat? Amhere. What do you call the second Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwel. What do you call the third Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwell Azhim. :)"

"Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives."

"Thor is definitely one of my top 5 favorite movies about hammers."

"If Twitter icons have taught me anything it's that the male eye can spot cleavage at incredibly low resolutions."

"Having sex with people that have low IQs is f*cking stupid"

"Madonna falls off stage apparently she was supposed to untie her cape so that her dancers could rip it off her. i guess madonna is not as good at pulling things off as she used to be."

"Appalachian Dictionary Virgin: (noun) - A 12 year old girl that can run faster than her brother."

"Did you hear the one about the man who got swallowed by a whale? Turns out he survived by running all the way to the end until he was all pooped out!"