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Joke of the Day

"Two reasons i never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone 1)I don't have an iPhone 2)I don't have a girlfriend."

"I'm an introverted republican... ...I guess you could call me an anti-socialist."

"What would you call Tony Stark after a sex change operation? Fe Male"

"What's better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics? Having legs."

"The awesome thing about planned parenthood Is the more limbs they cut off the more places I have to stick it."

"What's tall, handsome and muscular? Not you!"

"Which people do the burgers hate? The ones who are always putting the bite on them!"

"What do you call a dog with no legs It doesn't matter that son of a bitch still won't come when u call it"

"My friend from Mexico got bit by a mosquito.. he could not figure out why his American friend was not receiving bites as well. I told him the bugs were hungry for Mexican tonight."

"I'd write a book on parenting but it'd probably just end up being full of cocktail recipes."