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Joke of the Day

"What's ET short for? Because he's got little legs."

"Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule on a dropped chip"

"A horse walks into a French bar... ...and the barman says, ""I'm afraid you will have to leave, Monsieur Horse. We do not serve food in here."""

"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the fuck he was protecting his eyes from."

"Genders are like the Twin Towers There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject."

"5 year old son: I want to be a boxer. Me: I think you're too cute to be a boxer. 5: Yes, that is what everybody will think."

"I shadowed an opthamolologic surgeon today. The experience was really eye opening."

"*bakes 12 cookies* *waits for family to come home* *eats 12* *family arrives* 5 year old: ""I SMELL COOKIES!"" ""Weird! Here's a salad."""

"This girl said she wouldn't have sex with me because she was on her period... I'd say her excuse was spotty at best."

"Each one of us has a secret. My secret is that I can't keep a secret. Also Jill is a lesbian."