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Joke of the Day

"You know how dogs think, when you leave, that you're never coming back? That's how I feel when I leave the house for work every morning."

"""Your resume has MPGMA listed under hobbies. What exactly is that?"" Making people guess the meaning of acronyms."

"Why can't you tell when a pterodactyl is going to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent."

"I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling ""why you ain't got no babies?""I bet my father in law paid her"

"Having sex is like you're doing fractions it is improper for the larger one to be on top"

"Investigators weren't sure how the victim was killed, but they did find traces of kindness at the scene."

"How are making love in a boat and Coors Lite similar? They're both fucking close to water,"

"""Inkblot."" ""Inkblot."" ""Inkblot."" ""Inkblot."" ""Inkblot."" -Rorschach taking a Rorschach test"

"I play a song, nobody likes it. One week later, every cunt likes it."

"What do you call a cow woth a twitch? Beef Jerky"