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Joke of the Day

"If you haven't used your fingers to ""expand"" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you're not me."

"Where does Max Planck go for a night out? To the h-bar"

"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well it depends on what you mean by change."

"I like my women how I like my lightbulbs... ...not too bright, easy to turn on, and hanging in my basement by a wire."

"Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac"

"I feel like Trump and Hillary are two divorced parents fighting over custody of us but we kinda just wanna go live with grandma."

"A woman is like a bucket of KFC... Once you're past the tender breasts and the juicy thighs all you have left is a greasy wet box to put your bone in."

"I AM NOT REALLY YELLING AT YOU I JUST GOT USED TO TALKING TO MY TEENAGER WHO ALWAYS HAS HEADPHONES IN"

"You mother is such a whore . . . she was hired on the spot at Pillsbury for her extensive yeast collection!"

"I can't stop telling people how modest I am."