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Joke of the Day

"What's the big deal about jesus turning water into wine? I turned MY student loans into vodka..."

"Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder."

"~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want"

"Grandpa Me: My grandpa knew the exact time, day and year he was going to die! Teacher: What an evolved soul? How'd he know? Me: The judge told him."

"Why do Italians wear gold chains? So they know where to stop shaving."

"The real winner in the Mayweather Pacquiao fight.? The Bookmakers"

"I don't think a lion would play golf But a Tiger Wood"

"Doctor: You have acute appendicitis. Me: And you have a cute face. Drinks?"

"Welcome to Gullible Victim Club. Lol. I can't believe you showed up. Now gimme your purse or I'll stab you."

"- Do you take a shower after having sex? - Yes, of course. - Well, how about getting laid a little more often."