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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a spy who is into BDSM? James Bondage."

"What's Nu? Frequency."

"I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case 17 people break in and wanna play baseball"

"I like playing with my dog when I'm high. Because I don't have one when I'm sober."

"You don't really know someone until you get drunk with them"

"Why was the tea so obstinate? Because it was steeped in tradition."

"Me: I must warn you, I'm like an animal in bed. Her: That's fine by me! *burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*"

"Wine doesn't have many vitamins. That's why you have to drink a lot of it."

"I need a bad ass dress for Friday night. Anybody know where I can find a Forever 41?"

"My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one."