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Joke of the Day

"(pretend he's alive for this joke) Michael Jackson can find the hospital easily He always nose where to go"

"My life could benefit from a little more Stranger Danger and a little less Acquaintance Maintenance."

"Why do Belgians eat their french fries out of a funnel? They never want to lose a brown one once they've been burned"

"If I hear a bang when I'm driving I just assume I broke the sound barrier. Not sure where all these dents are coming from though."

"Me: Ping me when you are free. Girl:Ok. *Starts working in 2 Shifts*"

"What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'"

"Why wasn't the plastic surgeon worried about running out of breast implants anytime soon? He had a large drawer of chests right there in his office."

"How many music majors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 16 One to screw it in and 15 others to stand around and talk shit about how bad the one person did."

"My dad drove in a pothole and his tire popped, this is how it went Badum-tsss"

"Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?"