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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who made his wife a necklace out of crystal meth? I hear it was pretty dope."

"Me: Wanna hear a joke? Dog: sure Me: Knock knock *dog goes crazy barking at the door*"

"A friend of mine was reading an article on a newspaper talking about the dangers of drinking, after that he stopped doing what he loved... ...reading."

"How to tell if you are gay 1. Have sex with another man 2. If you enjoyed it, you're gay 3. If you didn't, you're still gay"

"Sex is a misdemeanor.. De more I miss, de meanor I get."

"A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians."

"Teacher: ""what does the fat cow give you?"" Student: ""Homework!"""

"What is it called when a lumberjack masturbates? Logging off."

"Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes."

"I have two requests for my funeral 1) be scattered at Disney Land 2) not to be cremated"