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Joke of the Day

"I just called one ex a calculator and another a potential murder victim so if you're looking for metaphors, I'm probably the grapefruit."

"""Hold the door!!!"" ""What door?"""

"I'm not sure, but if I died in your arms tonight, that makes you a suspect. At the very least."

"What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis? TB or not TB, that is the question."

"What's the food equivalent to Rachel Dolezal? ...a hamburger."

"I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing. She's behind with the laundry."

"What did the chopped wood say to the tree? Run!"

"What's pink and has seven dents in it? Snow white's hymen"

"What does expensive pasta cost? A pretty penne"

"A G N B: That's bang out of order."