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Joke of the Day

"What's a difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, ""Chew, chew, chew!"""

"How often does jet fuel melt steel beams? 9/11"

"The government is dysfunctional and needs to be fixed I'll probably fall in love with it any minute"

"""Ben Carson makes stuff up"" said Donald Trump, self-proclaimed zillionaire, demigod and unicorn owner."

"A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening the boy called out sulkily ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'"

"Buzz: hey Neil where do cows come from? Neil: I dunno where Buzz: the moooon haha .. .. *single gunshot* Neil: uh Houston we have a problem"

"The shortest route between point A and point B is under construction."

"I'm gonna be upset when HBO starts killing off Sesame Street characters one by one Game Of Thrones style."

"I am not afraid to stand up to my wife when she is not looking."

"Smartphones don't prevent people from feeling alive and getting in touch with nature. I just walked into a tree."