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Joke of the Day

"Police: Everything you say can and will be held against you Criminal: Boobs"

"Girls heres how to tell if a guy wants you for sex 1) He does"

"[parent/teacher meeting] ""you must've read to him as a baby"" *leans forward in little desk* lady, I didn't even know him when I was a baby"

"That uncomfortable feeling when... You're at the doctors office getting your prostate checked and notice both of the doctor's hands on the table next to yours."

"Microwave broke and I had to cook on the stove like freaking Betty Rubble."

"I duct taped a stick to the front of the lawn mower today so I could feel like I was riding a majestic unicorn that eats grass super fast."

"Guy: Do you like Cds? Girl: Um, sure that's a weird question why? Guy: Cuz u about to see deez nuts!"

"""Say TGIF ONE more time"" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, ""Go ahead, say it again."""

"There is no ""me"" in team. No, wait, yes there is!"

"Not enough drugs in the world that would make me strip in front of a webcam. But a bottle of wine should do it."