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Joke of the Day

"No one will ever be as excited as a dad that just drove somewhere in less time than the GPS said it would take."

"Dad owl: I'm dying so I need you to look after things. I'm going to give you- Son owl: Don't say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]"

"Have you heard the joke about the man with no tongue? No? Probably a good thing, it's pretty tasteless."

"One day I got this huge erection. I started running and hit a wall. You know what broke? My nose"

"How many egocentrics does it take to change a light-bulb? Me, and only me!"

"Funny Comeback Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father! son: ..... son: sure, whatever dad. FIVE HOURS LATER Dad: so how was your exam? Son: who the hell are you?"

"Can you believe my fucking neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning?! 2:30am! Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums..."

"A wife tells her husband who works with computers that shes pregnant She later sees him on his computer clicking ctrl z"

"There was a man who said... ... ""I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late."""

"I was absolutely fuming when I walked out of the art store earlier Bitch didn't have my Monet"