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Joke of the Day

"One day I got this huge erection. I started running and hit a wall. You know what broke? My nose"

"Marry a man who surrounds himself with good weather and can provide good weather for you and your children."

"Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses."

"Friendship Application, Question One: If you see that my selfie has 0 likes, will you like it faster than humanly possible?"

"Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one."

"If you're a guy who just had sex, what do you have? Happenis"

"So the Asian guy from the Human Centipede has a Twitter account... He's not very popular though. He only has two people following him."

"I like my women like I like my coffee ground up and in the freezer."

"Let's turn this Pizza Hut into a pizza home."

"What is the definition of a will? C'mon. It's a dead giveaway."