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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna call my mom 26 times today to tell her about all the nothing that I'm doing, just to even the score."

"Scientists have found a nearby 'habitable' planet. I think I speak for most humans when I say I soooo want to rape it."

"What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead - I'll just hang around."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because of its silent ""p"""

"Somehow,, We've got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under."

"I just saw a guy with no legs. I told him all about my recent stubbed toe. I hope it made him feel better about the whole no legs thing."

"Malaysia airlines are having a huge sale Flights to any destination in the world for $499 one way.... return flights not available"

"What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant"

"What happens when ducks fly upside down?? They quack up"

"I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me... Like it's my fault they don't have Windows..."