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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a stag with his eyes gouged out no eye deer. What if he's in the path of a car? Still no eye deer What if he's mid coitus too? Still fucking no eye deer"

"Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate."

"The security camera at work has ""too many instances"" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And ""any amount"" is ""too many."" According to HR."

"I don't get this joke A guy woke up after being frozen for 1000 years, someone asked how he felt and he said he was okay with an emphasis on the o"

"All the Kardashian girls sound like they've just been lobotomized and can only remember the words ""I just feel like..."""

"Why do they call it the Star Wars Universe? When it's only a galaxy"

"[overhears girl at work crying because her grandad & her dad died this month] Me: not all men are like that"

"AROMATHERAPY CONNUDRUM: Spilling a large bucket of Lavender oil all over your carpet: Very stressful, or very relaxing?"

"You wanna hear the best joke of the year? Your belt size."

"I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it."