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Joke of the Day

"All the Kardashian girls sound like they've just been lobotomized and can only remember the words ""I just feel like..."""

"Why was Snape in the middle of the road? So you would never know what side he was on."

"A college girl sends a text to her BF who doesn't respond ""Could this night get any worse?"" unaware that an alien fleet approaches earth"

"For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet."

"Never seek the dead for guidance. They give really cryptic advice..."

"I want to work in salon.. So I can get paid to give facials"

"Tim Cook: ""We're excited to annou-"" #Apple fans: ""We'll buy it."" Tim Cook: ""Let me fini-"" Apple fans: ""We'll buy that too."" #iPhone6"

"My friend tried to convince me that hard drugs should remain illegal... ...but his argument had no substance."

"The only reason most men are homophobic is because they are afraid of being hit on in the same manner that they do to women(cat call)"

"A man is flying on a plane Lady Flight attendant: hello, would you like some headphones? Man: yeah I would, but how did you know my name was phones?"