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Joke of the Day

"ME: *taking their hand* It's okay. We all struggle with connecting. RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*"

"Turns out I can hold my breath with a pillow over my face way longer than an old person. Innocent mistake.."

"[Star Wars Episode VII scene] Princess Leia: I love you Han. Han Solo: *favs but doesn't reply*"

"I slip the nun 30 bucks and real quiet-like ask to see the ""strong orphans."""

"I can throw rocks further than catapults. I mean, have you ever *tried* throwing a catapult?"

"Usually, the one you want, is the one you can't have."

"Have you ever had sex while camping? Its fucking in tents"

"Want to know the real reason girls go to the bathroom together? The air hockey table. All our bathrooms have one."

"[Nsfw] What's the difference between a dead baby and a cantaloupe? I don't fuck a cantaloupe before I eat it."

"What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman? To one you say, ""Hey you, get off my cloud!"" The other: ""Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"""