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Joke of the Day

"ME: *taking their hand* It's okay. We all struggle with connecting. RABBID RACCOON: *hissing & desperately trying to wrench its hand free*"

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"How come Notepad has no street cred? It can't wrap."

"When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river"

"Godzilla vs. A Floor Scattered With Legos"

"Where'd I drop my waffle? At the beach in San Diego."

"Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal."

"How do you get a mermaid pregnant? You fuck her."

"I'll never forget my grandfather's last words ""Stop shaking the ladder you little cunt!"""

"I'm off to buy a 3-D printer. Which I'll use to make another 3-D printer. Then return the first one."