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Joke of the Day

"Obama: Dave, it's Barack, we have an updog situation at the white house. Cameron: What's updog? *Obama high fives entire oval Office*"

"Fun trick: Handcuff her and tell her you're taking her to 50 Shades of Grey. That way she can't escape when you go to The SpongeBob Movie."

"How do you treat a pain in the ass? Take an asprin."

"*boss calls me into office* ""um but sir my name is--"" Be quiet you're ""into office"" now"

"Just told the Starbucks at the airport that my name was Ayatollah Bombface. Lol let's see wha"

"Why do Hasidic Jews dress so strangely? Because they are unorthodox."

"Say 'beer can' in a British accent. I just taught you to say 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent."

"I had a passionate affair with a girl from the circus It was in tents."

"What's a rapper's favorite candy? Eminems."

"As a parent I often wonder if there's anything I could've done differently to prevent the jealousy between my twins Lisa & Hog Face."