98918
Joke of the Day
"""Houston we ... are fine."" Female astronaut probably"
Next Joke
"How do you outrun a horse, tiger, lion, and elephant that are chasing you. Get your drunk ass off of the merry-go-round."
"I was going to be a banker... But I lost interest"
"What's wrong with the phrase ""War on Drugs""? Wars end."
"A horse walks into a bar he starts to panic and kick and shit all over the place sorry I'm no good at jokes. -- [@billcorbett](https://twitter.com/BillCorbett/status/592353920204156928)"
"A moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic, trying to get to the gym, to ride stationary bikes..."
"No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e."
"What do you call a hookers fart? A prostitoot"
"Tomorrow I'll go to the orphanage... ... and beat up some children. I mean, what would they do? Tell their parents?"
"Owning a selfie stick is a good way to tell people that you've driven all of your friends away with your narcissism."