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Joke of the Day

"What do you call ranch dressing that has gone bad? Raunch"

"Why do they call it PMSing? Mad Cow disease was already taken."

"My April Fools day joke blew up in my face. I threatened divorce. My wife agreed."

"My phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie."

"Did you hear about the race between the two decapitated heads? I heard they were neck and neck"

"Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels."

"What's the difference between me and my couch? My couch pulls out."

"It must be so good to speak signal language. You can talk with your mouth full"

"How does it feel to be out of coffee? Depresso."

"Lorde wrote her Grammy nominated album at age 14. My son is 13 and has let the bathtub overflow twice while he was sitting INSIDE of it."