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Joke of the Day

"What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall? At the Schopenhauer."

"Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve."

"How do you circumcise a redneck... Uppercut his sister in the jaw."

"Why is a duck-billed platypus called a duck-billed platypus? Because fucked up duck-beaver lookin thing doesn't sound scientific enough."

"The painters I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0. I asked them, ""Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"" They said, ""Don't worry about it, it's on the house."""

"No no, I'm not going to pay for these hot wings, I discovered them and you JUST GOT COLUMBUSED"

"The avengers walk into a bar Except vision. He phased."

"I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said ""Be an organ donor!""... They were doing 20 in a 30. I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause."

"A famous singer sang for patients in a hospital. He finished with a cheerful greeting: -Bye-bye , and hope you get better! -Thanks, you too! replied the patients."

"A zombie and a ghost go for marriage counselling And are asked to share their honest feelings The Zombie ""Sometimes I feel like you're not even here!"" The Ghost ""Whatever, you're dead to me"""