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Joke of the Day

"two guy's are sitting on the front porch in the yard they see a dog licking his balls one say's to the other do you think I could do that? his buddy says maybe but I think you should pet him first"

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"I have one alcoholic beverage and they call me an alcoholic But when I have a Fanta, no one calls me fantastic."
"[under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it"
"Just passed a cop on a bicycle, I hope I used my turn signal properly or I might get a detention or whatever they hand out"
"How do zombies communicate in times of war? Cryptic code."
"What's a nanny's favorite letter? I don't know, but it's not E."
"I asked my daughter's dentist for her favorite joke. Was not disappointed. What is the latest fad among teenage mermaids in the city of Atlantis? Taking shellfies with their shellphones."
"I told an Aussie friend I was having trouble rooting my phone He replied, ""Maybe try buying it dinner first, mate. """
"Apparently being a mother is the hardest job in the world. They're probably right. I can definitely see brain surgeons struggling to put Frozen into a DVD player."
"What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm? A Zy-Goat I'll escort myself out."