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Joke of the Day

"Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes."

"*Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*"

"I pulled a girl in a nightclub last night. She said ""What the fuck are you doing"" and walked back out."

"I like to use Rock, paper scissors to make all my binary choices. Like what gender I am"

"My Penis was in the Guinness world record book for the bigest penis Until the librarian told me to get it out."

"Excuse me waiter, I didn't ask for dessert. I asked for DESERT. Now get me a bowl of sand and a baby camel."

"""I am the perfect age for this shit."" -- Roger Murtaugh, age 22"

"Doctor: ""Your x-ray showed a broken rib... ... but we fixed it with Photoshop."""

"Did you see that? That's the third time she came over here. I think she likes me. ""This is Applebee's and she is our waitress"""

"How do you know if someone's vegan? Someone else will make a vegan joke, then when the vegan points out that non vegans refer to veganism more than vegans do, some jackass will say ""found the vegan"""