3095

Joke of the Day

"*Witnesses an awkward moment* starts a slow clap* sees that nobody is joining me* pretends like I'm trying to kill mosquitoes*"

"Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? I thought you said you'd never forget."

"You can teach a man to lead a fish to water but you can't make him drink a horse"

"Why does Donald Trump love all colors? He heard all colors add up to white."

"Chicks... ...they only get laid once."

"I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!"

"So I was in Jerusalem and a man was trying to sell me a gold watch... I kept telling him I don't want it. It looks too fake, not real gold. He looked at me and says ""It's not fake, Israel."""

"I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials."

"Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles !"

"How can you tell if a man has a high sperm count? The girl has to chew before she swallows."