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Joke of the Day

"What do white girls and web developers have in common? nobody ever compliments our back end :("

"Wearing a seashell necklace is a great way to let everyone know how cool you were in 1996."

"What do you call an entrance to a brothel? Hodor."

"Q: How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb? A: We'll never know, Tesla was murdered."

"Four gay men walk into a bar, there is only one stool left so what do they do? Flip it over"

"nurse: ""if youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half"" me: [visibly confused] wife: ""the grapes keith not the baby"""

"Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm...you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now"

"For Christmas last year I got a sweater. This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter."

"I like my eggs ovariesy"

"As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals."