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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? Don't expect me to get hard in 3 minutes, I just got laid this morning."

"What's the difference between america and a yoghurt? A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years."

"*sings Batman theme *crawls along bars of death *rolls down slope *ascends tower *knocks out foes ""Miss, you need to leave the playground."""

"Slightly funny gay joke What doesn't work? A gay dude allergic to nuts"

"[NSFW] What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts"

"in Heaven you get back all the chapsticks you lost"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick into a woman's ass"

"[baby finally falls asleep] ME: *tip toes to couch* I can finally relax DOG: I'M GONNA BARK FOR NO REASON"

"What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity? Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

"Well, add 'making a simple phone call' to the list of 'things that give me panic attacks'."