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Joke of the Day

"Her: you take nice selfies Me: so I'm vain Her: no you're photogenic Me: oh so I'm ugly in real life Her: just say thanks Me: oh so I'm rude"

"I was so poor growing up... For my 12th birthday, I got half a cake with 6 candles next to a mirror."

"What's the square root of optimus prime? I'm not sure, but it's more than meets the eye."

"The difference between a girl in church and a girl in the bathtub? one has hope in her soul."

"I'm no racist I love black people so much I stopped tipping."

"When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence"

"An Irishman walks out of a bar..."

"Guys; if she stops responding to your messages for days, 100% of the time it's a technical problem. Keep trying."

"Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much."

"My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. ""Where are you?"" she moaned. ""I'm at the pub."" I replied. She said, ""I think the baby's coming!"" I said, ""Well, he won't get in. He's underage."""