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Joke of the Day

"Never seen a bar fight break out while people are drinking wine. Beer, yes. Hard liquor, yes. But not wine."

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"[Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all"
"What do you call the first sperm that reaches the egg? The ova achiever"
"Children are the ultimate invaders: they steal all your resources & then try to convince the original inhabitants to worship their weird art"
"What does a fat girl desire but already have? A ten chin"
"I'm hosting an event for people who are unable to have an orgasm. Let me know if you can't come."
"Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she keeps running away from the ball"
"This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I'm like: Well, it's killing me and I'm not bitching about it."
"How do you keep idiots in suspense?......"
"What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!"