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Joke of the Day

"Children are the ultimate invaders: they steal all your resources & then try to convince the original inhabitants to worship their weird art"

"Why do thugs play basketball? Because it teaches them to shoot, run and steal."

"The Orthodontist wants to pull my daughter's 2 loose baby teeth & charge me $250. I bought the biggest bag of caramels I could find for $5."

"What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being raped"

"People tell me sharing is caring. Good thing I don't care."

"Can I use cash to pay for a new electric car? No, you have to charge it."

"How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains."

"Watching a Kristin Stewart movie. She's being CHASED by ppl who want her DEAD. The CHEESE STICK I'm holding has a more frightened expression"

"Sometimes I drink to cure my malaise. If I get drunk this Friday because I am bummed about the end of the world, am I getting sauced because of Mayan-aise?"

"What do you get if you cross an owl with a donkey? A Wise Ass."