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Joke of the Day

"I've just invented a new word: ""plagiarism""."

"Adulthood is like the part in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy tries to runaway from her problems, but then SURPRISE, there is also a tornado."

"Add 5 years onto your age That's how old you'll be in 5 years."

"I love people who IM me to tell me that they left a voice message to say that they sent me an email"

"How are girlfriend like cults? You have to prove your devotion before you're welcomed into the folds."

"I prefer regular taxis to Uber in NYC cause the driver and I can both treat each other like shit without worrying about getting a bad grade"

"If I could be indestructible for a day, its scary how many sharks I'd make out with."

"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? You slow down and use lube ( )"

"I'm more afraid of the shitty music my family is going to play at my funeral than I am of dying."

"What did the hipster say the day after thanksgiving? I liked the leftovers before they were cool."