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Joke of the Day

"Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were."

"I am giving up eating red meats. I'm going cold turkey."

"I knew I was in trouble when the lady doing my nails shouted ""WHO DO YOUR EYEBROW?!"""

"How does a pedophile have a threesome without getting caught? By having sex with a pregnant woman."

"Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!"

"I've just read a book about stockholm syndrome. The first couple of chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it."

"Where does a Jewish farmer become a man? At his Barn Mitzvah"

"Never ask a shepherd how many sheep he owns, I don't think he'd know, he probably falls asleep every time he takes inventory."

"Did U hear they're remaking 'Dirty Dancing' & Miley Cyrus is gonna play the abortion."

"My friend Jerry and I built a house... It was absolutely floorless. I mean we really nailed it this time. Not like the last one that we screwed up. This time we just did a really wood job."